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On The Sioux-Gophers Series

November 3, 2011

The Sioux enter unfamiliar territory this weekend, playing the Gophers in a series in which the Gophers are ranked ahead of them. One thing that is not unfamiliar however, is the hilarity of Gopher fans. Probably my favorite thing about Gopher fans is that they chastise the Sioux nickname, all while calling us the Sue. I’d say that is both hypocritical and misogynistic, but then I would have to explain to Gopher fans what those words mean.

This weekend’s series is being played at Mariucci Arena, and whether you’re watching it on TV or going in person, don’t be fooled: it’s not that full all the time. It only seems that way because the only time UND fans pay attention to Minnesota is when the two teams play, and the only time Minnesota fans go to games is when the two teams play. What you’ll also notice is that the ice sheet at Mariucci is so large you can barely see the fans across the ice. And thank god because have you seen U of M girls? However, you can still hold a perfectly normal conversation with one of them from your seat, given that it is usually as quiet as a church service in there (assuming said fan can understand vocabulary above an elementary school level).

In fact, when checking how often Minnesota fans talk about North Dakota compared to the inverse, you’d think that it was UND who was the Big 10 school and Minnesota was the school only good at one sport. (Well, that’s half right: the Gophers have a pretty bad ass women’s hockey team).

On the ice, the Gophers have probably been playing better hockey, if you discount the fact that they have played Sacred Heart and Anchorage (the hockey version of Goldy steamrolling a bunch of grade schoolers) while UND has played BC and Maine, but given that Minnesota thinks of itself as Havard academically, they’ve always considered things to be equal, as long as they’re doing relatively the same thing. Harvard has a world renowned chemistry department, whereas Minnesotans can make a mean batch of meth, so clearly they have the same chemistry know how. Maybe that’s how the U of M has such a good dental school.

All we need to know about Gopher fans is this: They claim to have invented the stick salute. In a related story, I have come up with this fantastic new thing called electricity. It appears too many Minnesotans have been listening to Michelle Bachmann.

Did I have to write this post? Not really. All I really would have to do is point out that an entire presidential term might pass without seeing the Gophers in the NCAA tournament (seriously, would they even know how to make it to their regional site? Though it would be a huge home ice advantage for them, given how neither ever has big crowds). But this was more fun to do, and I look forward to getting emails that are well reasoned, thought out and grammatically correct on this subject from Gopher fans.


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